Yesterday marked Shavuos, a holiday holding a lot of weight around ancient harvest festivals and cosmic revelation of the Torah to the Jewish people. Shavuos is my favorite Jewish holiday for a few reasons; as a convert I really love that there’s an idea all Jews who ever were/are/will be were present at Sinai when Revelation occurred – the idea I was a part of this before I knew I was sings to my soul.
Shavuos (or Shavuot) is also when the Book of Ruth is read, and my little lesbian heart lights up when I read about one woman declaring to another she will follow her to the ends of the earth. This verse is now commonly used in wedding vows.
I’m also a big fan of learning (not necessarily in traditional classrooms) and due to the concept of Torah not just as a written book but also as the ongoing wondering, writing, and seeking of the Jewish people, I love that Shavuos is a holiday where people gather to stay up all night learning. Since the lockdown back in 2020, there are increasing ways to gather with others online for education and delving into mystery. Unfortunately, I did not get to participate this year, but I have recently been carrying a mindful studiousness with me throughout the year, and setting aside time nearly daily for some texts I’m currently learning from. I’m saddened to have missed all night tikkun leil (a phrase that refers to this sacred all night study), but grateful for a heart hungry to learn. I hope to foster a tikkun leil of my own someday, one that reflects the embodied and anticolonial in what Judaism means to me.
But I think, at the end of the day, Shavuos is my favorite because, apart from the weekly shabbos, it is the first Jewish holiday I celebrated in earnest back when I started my conversion journey.
There is a sacred countdown to Shavuos which starts with the springtime observance of Passover. On Passover’s second night, when the sacred meal with it’s matzo ball soup, bitter herbs, and other sacred food symbols have been eaten to the last crumb (but without a crumb of leavening) we begin to count the omer. Omer at one time referred to a measure of barley, as that was an early harvest. But now it marks the forty-nine (49) days between the second night of Passover – when the Israelites fled slavery in Egypt – to Shavuos, when we, all of us across generations, cosmically received our first lessons laid down by the Divine.
The omer count works its way through the Sefirot (or sephirot)– ideals we are encouraged to embody from the teachings of Kabbalah, laid out in the loose form of a sacred tree. There are ten sefirot, and the omer count works with seven of them as there are seven days in a week and seven weeks in the omer. Each week is assigned a sephirot, and so is each day, these aspirational qualities or states of being nestled within each other. I don’t want to bog this down with too much explanation, but you can find more information here if you’re interested!
It is one of my core believes that sensuality, sexuality, are (or at least can be) expressions of the Divine in the everyday. And so this year I worked with both in the form of Divining Pleasure: An Oracle for SephErotic Liberation. This oracle deck by Taya Ma and Bekah Starr re-interprets the Sephirot with an eye toward embodiment and liberation. The art runs the gamut from touching to sensuous to downright graphic. Each day of the omer, I found (or tried to, more on that below) about five minutes to sit with the corresponding card and write a little about what it awoke/brought up/brought out in me.
Traditionally, if one misses a day of the omer, one is meant to stop counting. But as an autistic, low energy person, I’m not one for quitting what I can’t do perfectly. I did get a little off in my counting, but I kept going, and I completed my count. As I’m sure any readers who are autistic or have ADHD or otherwise struggle with consistency understand, this feels like a huge accomplishment.
I really enjoyed this deck as a sort of tool for self-divination. I don’t know that I learned anything I didn’t know, but I do feel like parts of myself that were a little stuck in dark and dusty corners came got some light and air. Also, as someone who struggles with mild memory issues but loves looking back at my life, I’m delighted to have these snapshots from the last seven weeks, and I’m sure they’ll mean even more to me as the years go on.
Below are my favorite entries from each week. I don’t know that I can quite articulate what “my favorite” means. The ones that made me say “that one!” I’ve tidied away grammatical errors, but left these a little messy and free from over-explanation as I wrote them. For some entries I noted the date and time, some I forgot to do so. I don’t know if encouraging you to “enjoy” these entries is quite the right word. I suppose I hope they will speak to you in some way. If you feel called to, I’d loved to hear what you think in the comments below. Please note, there will be some graphic words and mentions (NOT graphic descriptions) of sexuality/sex acts in what I share here.
WEEK 1: CHESED: Expanding Heart
From the deck: “Chesed is often translated as loving kindness, with a a focus on generosity as a hallmark of benevolence. in Diving Pleasure, we orient toward the expanding heart. Breaks become breakthroughs. Generosity roots in reciprocity. we offer from a place of resource, not overriding capacity or extending beyond self to the detriment of our thrive. Chesed caresses the fierce tender and resilient possibility of your pulsing, expanding heart.”
4.18.2025 Omer 5 “Unfurl” hod shebe’ chesed gathering power within expanding heart
Oh the ecstatic arched back of the figure in this image, the sheer pleasure that bubbles up out of her mouth. Makes me want to sing. Makes me want to masturbate. Which probably means my body has need of both. A true sense of openness – unfurling
WEEK 2: GEVURAH: Strong Holding
From the Deck: “Gevurah is often translated as strength or boundary, an energy polarized as the other side of giving, the complement of soft. In Divining Pleasure, we are curious about what is possible inside of resonant containment. We embrace discipline matched with devotion. We cultivate the deep yes that flourished inside the aligned no. We seek structure matched with supple care and steady rooted grace. Gevurah anchors thrive born of resonant support and strong holding.”
4.22.2025 11:17am Omer 9 “Fierce” gevurah shebe’ gevurah strong holding within strong holding
So often gevurah is associated with boundaries. And I see that here. A bold, unapologetic stare, the whites of her eyes stand out and her hand, fingers splayed. STOP. NO! I create the motion with my own body. I have a goal of learning to set healthy boundaries. It is good to train/teach my brain-body-mind-soul in the motions.
WEEK 3: TIFERET: Sublime Healing
From the Deck: “Tiferet is often translated as balance or beauty, suggesting symmetry as a greatest expression of grace. In Divining Pleasure, we honor the preciousness and power of vulnerability. We lean into tender places, and unfurling states of being, as potent medicine. We let ourselves be guided by the journey rather than focusing solely on the destination. Tiferet welcomes us into the emergent blessings of sublime healing.”
4.17.2025 Omer 14 “The world is well” Malchut shebe’ gevurah rooting deep within strong holding
Oh how aligned I feel with this image as it graces my eyes on a glorious, flower-filled, blue skied spring day. Deeply rooted hands full of love. Flowers blooming riotously. It feels decolonial – native species thriving. Plenty for all. I feel a desire for this – more than that a belief that it is possible – nay inevitable – in my whole body
WEEK 4: NETZACH: Collective Liberation
From the Deck: “Netzach is often translated as endurance – how long we last as a testament to our value and success. In Diving Pleasure, we orient toward steadfast presence, intersectional awareness, and lived understanding that freedom for some must mean freedom for all. Any one of us can be the tipping point, each breath and action significant. Netzach dreams a healed future, and asks us to reverently, and raucously, live into collective liberation.”
5.7.2025 9:53am Omer 24 “balm for the world’s soul” tiferet shebe netzach sublime healing within collective liberation
Made a noise of delight when I flipped this card and laid eyes on the image. A sunshiney, heart shaped cunt, dripping what I can only describe as a strong steady stream. The stream flows to a waiting finger, who seems to be using it to paint new lands on a brand new, empty world. Life flows from the very Cunt of God, creative and pleasurable juices flowing. Art heals, art builds. We need creativity to achieve tikkun olam, for our torn world.
WEEK 5: HOD: Gathering Power
From the Deck: “Hod is often translated as splendor, majesty or glory – expressions of grace in grounded power. In Divining Pleasure, Hod is the place of the priestess. Here, we fully inhabit our lives, saturate ourselves with presence, sit in our seats. Hod calls us into deep is-ness and purpose, that we may most lovingly and powerfully impact change. Hod hones focus, gathering power as an act of counter-oppressive devotion.”
5.14.2025 Wednesday May 14th 2025 Omer 31 “Shimmer” tiferet shebe’ hod sublime healing within gathering power
There is something of a shimmering, bioluminescent creature in this image. I feel a sense of not-quite-purposeless floating, a freedom to float, whole and healed, and as I go gently along, I gather, with my many little tendrils, what I need to power my bioluminosity
WEEK 6: YESOD: Aligned Activation
From the Deck: “Yesod is often translated as foundation, a channel through which ideas and energy manifest in the world. In Diving Pleasure, we play with the yes in yesod, and the od, which in Hebrew means continual or more. Yesod becomes the dynamic attunement to cascading yeses, to more YES! We give attention to places of greatest nourishment and vitality, pleasure and purpose, and let what distracts or depletes drop away. Yesod calls us into the sweet celebration of aligned activation!
5.21.2025 Wednesday May 21st 20251:18pm Omer 38 “right pace as prayer” tiferet shebe’ yesod sublime healing within aligned activation
Oh this one is sooooo good. The words already had me buzzing with joy as someone with low capacity who consistently struggles with balance. Today I am accepting much of the day went to a needed long nap after a poor night’s sleep. Love this figure feeling herself. As a kind of goodness pours down on her head. Eyes closed, mouth open. Reminds me of singing in the shower, which I’ve spent the last five years reclaiming as a site of joy after a traumatic event. The short hair feels significant as I embrace my important haircut. The bare breasts and hands over heart and smile…she is me, healed and heartened. – as I went to put her away, I saw that she has wrinkles! A healed future.
WEEK 7: MALCHUT: Rooting Deep
From the Deck: “Malchut is often translated as kingship/kingdom – an expression of grounded exaltation. In Diving Pleasure we honor sovereignty as rooting in inter-dependence. We are an embodiment of the blessings of our loving and wise ancestors. We are an essential strand in the web of creation. We remember why we are here. Malchut revels in, and is the revelation of, rooting deep.”
5.30.2025 1:20pm Omer 46 “acknowledge the ancient ones” netzach sheb’ malchut collective liberation within rooting deep.
Ooooh…echoes and reverberations and connection back and back. Twice while counting through the omer, I have missed a day and had to do extra entries. The first time I noted the entry still being “for” the day before. But today, it occurred to me that I am pulling the card today and so it is for today. And as today is Joan of Arc’s yahrzeit, what a glorious day for this card. Joan is one of the ancient ones I acknowledge, in all her chaotic, undefined gender messiness and ferocity and tragedy. So glad I got to this card on this day. All things (Goddess willing) at the right time
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